Nintendo 3DS - But it doesn't require glasses.

The 3DS: Nintendo's answer to magic. It will allow a 3D effect without the use of glasses...WHAT

Just The Facts

1. The Nintendo 3DS allows for the whole 3D "POPPING RIGHT AT YOU" thing.
2. But it doesn't require glasses.
3. Holy shit.

3D? Aw hell naw!

The latest thing being shoved down the consumer's throat is 3D. While some people (retards) find it to be amazing and revolutionary, in my humble opinion it is the dumbest fucking idea since the Holocaust. To really have a proper 3D experience, you have to buy a new TV, a new DVD player, new DVDs and games, and comically overpriced 3D glasses. This adds up to around $5000, and for what? To make Dreamworks's CGI rape documentaries even harder to watch?

So imagine how I felt when the word got out that my favorite company in the history of everything would be joining the 3D shitwagon by making the Nintendo "3DS". First of all, Nintendo tried a 3D console once. This tanked so hard that just saying the words "Virtual Boy" within 200 feet of any Nintendo related function gives Ninten-security legal reason to "remove" you. I thought Nintendo was about "innovation" and "groundbreaking ideas", not "doing the same horrible thing as everyone else because Iwatta only has three pools in his guest home".


But apparently, it will allow a 3D effect without the use of glasses...WHAT?

Oh god oh god oh god...

As I awoke at 8 AM for Nintendo's 2010 E3 press conference, I felt a curious mixture of excitement and apprehension. I was sure they would unvail a few things that tickle my fancy (NEWZELDANEWZELDANEZZELDA), but they had this 3DS thing, which would either be really, really awesome or a huge mistake.

So about halfway through the conference a video plays. This video pretty much conveys the message that while the whole 3D movement is cool and all, the glasses are fucking dumb and if you think you need glasses to see 3D, you're an idiot. Iwatta (president of Nintendo) then walks onstage and is all like "3D no glasses, one hundred percent guaranteed!" Many famous game designers then descended from the heavens and claimed that the 3DS works really fucking well and it has their total support. Nintendo then brings out hundreds of prostitutes tethered to 3DSes and lets everyone try it.

There is a chance this will work.

But no, the people who played it were gonna say it was awful. It was gonna be powered by your dick or not really be 3D, or something. WRONG! Pretty much everyone who played it was reduced to tears, between sobs muttering "it really works, oh my God" or "I'm selling the kid, fuck everything that isn't this". Nintendo has released a game system that allows for a 3D effect without glasses. Holy balls. Nintendo is yet to reveal how the device works, but it really does.

It gets better. What good is a game system without games? I personally would buy the thing if the only game was Old Lady Diarrhea 7 but shit man, here are just some of the games coming out for the 3DS:

Animal Crossing

Resident Evil: Revelations

Kid Icarus: Uprsing

Star Fox 64 3D

Mario Kart. Resident Evil. Kid Icarus. Metal Gear. OCARINA OF TIME. STAR FOX 64! I was gonna save my money for college, but fuck it.

Source: Cracked.com